I had moved to San Francisco, and me and my friends were having a caravan in the morning to high school. Yes, that's right. We were adults that were still in high school for some reason. It's pouring rain outside, and I was slumped down in the back seat, drunk as hell feeling that ecstatic bliss that I could only feel in real life if I had kicked the winning goal for the Mexico team in the World Cup. Not like I can play football or anything. People have wrongly assumed that I could because I'm supposedly from Argentina. I played football for years until I was ten-years-old and began to smoke cigarettes which quickly deflated my stamina. If I could play football, I would denounce my Argentine citizenship, become a Mexican citizen, live in Guadalajara, and take Mexico to the top of the world by winning the Cup in 2010. Oh yeah, what was I talking about? Aren't you glad you're not hanging out with me in person? and had to hear all this mindless blabber in person? Consider yourself fortunate. Oh yeah, what was I talking about? This dream I had. We stopped because the rain had gotten so bad, and the Earth was getting flooded. The water had gotten so tall. My euphoria had gone rampant. I demanded to be left out of the car. I stepped out into two feet of water and right then and there, that's the happiest feeling I had ever felt in my life, awake or asleep. The feelings of happiness were crashing down on me wave after wave after wave. The rain was pouring down and the wind was blowing so hard I could hardly prop myself up. All the beautiful creatures of the sea began to emerge from the water. A sea turtle the size of a horse got up on a crushed piece of cement, and it was hanging out next to me, and normally, I'm so scared of turtles, but at this point, I knew I was dreaming, and I knew that no sex or drug could ever make me feel quite this way. I will never feel that way ever again. It was a warm rain. There was no people around. Rain, it's the dickhead repellant. And I thought to myself, "Everything's so perfect. Life has never been this good to me. This is the ultimate. The ultimate in satisfaction, but the only thing that's bugging me is I want her to like me as much as I like her." I made a proclamation, "I refuse to acknowledge the fact that I refuse to accept the fact that she doesn't like me as much as I like her." And by making that proclamation, I was both acknowledging and accepting the fact that she doesn't like me as much as I like her. It was a bullshit mature epiphany that could only occur in a dream. I woke up, drank a beer, shaved, braided my hair, and went to work. All day long, I was thinking about this dumb proclamation that I had made in my sleep. My mind went over it again and again and again. Finally, I decided it was in fact, bullshit. Yes, it may've been reality. It is reality. But fuck reality. Reality can kiss my ass. Reality and Truth have never done a bit of good for me. The "real" reality is that she spends all of her time longing for my enormous penis. Night and day, she wiggles uncomfortably, craving my adoring but violent thrusts.