Where everybody's going into Mexico and there's so much traffic? I don't even know where to begin on this one. Obviously, it's based on Tijuana, but since when is there traffic going into Mexico? And the sad irony is that Tijuana is so totally morbidly fucked because of the new passport policy, and I'm sad, really really sad. I want to go get more Ketamine, but no passport, and I can't seem to uncover my birth certifacation. I've uncovered some flatulation and tons of defecation, but I don't think that one's gonna get me across the border with bottles of animal tranquilizers wedged between my fragrant butt cheeks. Summer is once again upon us here in gawkerville. Did you see what that winter was? Some sort of kind of mildly cool weather, and then we got it once again. The sun beating down on us. I have no idea what I'm doing here. Don't get me wrong. I love California. really really love it. I just hate the weather, and I gave up TV for that. I watch the news, and they say it's beautiful out there. They might as well be pissing in my face. All up inside of it. I went to the doctor. They took a catscan of my face, and much to their astonishment, it was filled with piss. Cat piss. The stinkiest of all pisses. I was not surprised. Have you ever heard people saw Wa'r'shington? Or daugh'r'ter"? I'm so bewildered everytime I hear that.It's like Feb'r'uary mandated some unneccasary Rs being placed everywhere they don't belong. I'rm gornna start doirng that now. Just throw sorme Rs all in my language all willy nilly. Why the he'rll not? It's a lort of furn if you ask me. I'm'a'go warsh my clothes while I;m at it as long as I don't fall off the ruff in the pro-cess. Yeah, that's right. I'm british now. I don't say process like a normal person. I say pro-cess, and when I speak spanish, I persistantly stick my tongue between my teeths like a homosexual. I don't know if you're going to believe this, but once when I was hanging out with a bunch of kids in Mexico, there was some spanish people hanging out with us too, and much to my repulsion, they were talking like that. Once gone, I announced my utter complete limp-dick-effect that that form of communication gives me, and I once and for all got the insidal information on that. Por su puesto, (Mexican expression designatred for whatever-in-the-fuck) there was a spanish king that had an unintentional lisp, and so he wouldn't feel akward, everybody took on the annoying habit of sounding gay, and unfortunately for us all (or at least those of us that have to talk to spanish people, god rest y'all's souls), spanish people talk like they have a speech imperdiment By the way, I'm gay now. I don't actually have the balls to stick a penis in my mouth or to kiss a man. I think they're hideous. But, still, I'm gay all the same. It's a quite a conendrum or some other made up word. I have trouble having sex with women because I'm so revolted by the fact that they're attracted to men. It makes me sick. But, once I get over that fact, I really liike it. It usualy takes at least 20 beers. Listen to Fear of Eternity. It's Goblin meets black metal. That would be the soundtrack of my life if only I could be that chingón. Death is all around us, and I'm in heavan. I'm a huge fan. My aunt died. I really love her. Growing up, she defined sexy to me. White with black hair to say the least. My boss died. choked on his puke, and then two days later, Kiko called me, left a message on my maquina saying he had something importantr to tell me. I was scared to death that my dearest oldest friend Sam had died. Fortunately he's not deard yet. Yet being the key word here. My mother ponders the ridiculous notion that she's going to die before me. Whether I will be able to get all of her money. God bless her naive mind. She's still convinced I don't smoke cigarettes even though I've been continuasly smoking since the age of ten and been a total drunk since the age of fourteen. Benjarmin Franklin said 9 out of ten men are suicides just by the way they live. I think he was dead wrong. Dead being the key word here. no disclaimers. Please judge me based on this blog entry. I love that, you stupid ass motheruckers.