This is my pre-vasectomy journal. I will be adding to this daily, so if you read this and the last journal entry is anything before January 13, make sure to revisit this later to get the complete story. Thursday, December 15, 2005**************************************************************** i TOOK THE VASECTOMY CLASS. oPPS! BETTER TAKE THE CAPS LOCK OFF. There that's better. You see before they let you get the vasectomy, they make you get educated. You have to have your grade ten. I had an appointment set for the actual vasectomy for December 31st, but then I canceled it because I realized that I have to work the following week alone. Not able to take off work, blah blah, blah, so I'm postponing it until mid January, but still I'm extra excited about it. All those years of worries and anxiety and self hatred, and now finally it'll be all over. I don't get to enjoy it right away though since you have to wait two months and then get sperm tested. I cum inot a cup and they test it in hopes of a zero sperm count. I'm so excited. Two weeks after, I'm going to have the "Tomatoes's Bike Ride to Venice to Celebrate His Vasectomy and Encourage Other's To Do the Same Ride". At the end, we'll stay in cheap motel rooms and get really drunk. It'll be a shame though since I won't actuall be sterile by that point. So, " i just got off the phone with the Harbor City Hospital and they said they're going to do it on Jan 12th. gotta go. more to come later!!!! Friday, December 16, 2005******************************************************************** So, I've decided I'm going to try to put up a daily bulletin, "Daily Meditation on the Glory of the Vasectomy" up until I actually get it and then, when I finally do, compile them all, and put it up as a blog entry. Others, maybe would make each one a blog entry, but I don't want to make my other glamorous blog entries jealous by putting up these little puny ones. So, so far, most everyone has been congratulating me and encouraging me on my vasectomy. There are a couple of people that have this reaction like, "Why in the hell would you want to do that?" but these are all from people who don't have kids. People who have kids understand how terrible it is, and know that I just want to stay free from all of that bullshit. Me having a vasectomy is partially as a favor to the world, but mostly it's selfish. I really don't want kids. I used to be a nanny for a year and a half when I lived in San Diego, and it truly showed me how stupid the whole thing is. I loved the kid, but still, it's stupid, and pointless. wHO DOES ANYTHING THAT NOTABLE WITH THEIR LIFE ANYWAY besides consume? God damn fucking caps lock!!!! The only doubt that I can think of is, "What if I meet a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with and she wants to mother kids and I can't do that for her, so she leaves me?" Uh, pretty doubtful. Plus if she loved me, she wouldn't leave me just for that, would she? Plus there's always sperm banks. What's the deal with those anyway? Anyway, I have lots more to say, but I'll save them for future bulletins. I have 27 more to do after all. Saturday, December 17, 2005************************************************************************** It is Saturday, 10 o'clock at night.I'm already drunk so this might not be that coherent, but I want to do the daily vasectomy blog, you know? Um, I'm still very excited about it. I just saw Lety on her bike. Thank God she moved to central LA. I told her about my vasectomy. "OOOOh good for you; I wish my boyfriend would get one too." "Yeah that would be super" "Puedes imaginar orgasmos sin verguenaza?" "Si vivieramos en un mundo perfecto, nadie haria ninyos." I seriously doubt that that was gramatically correct, but whatever. I want to have an orgasm and not on the sheets or inside of a condom, . . . . end of story, period, all y'all people can go to fucking hell. God Bless Texas. God Bless Tomatoes and everyone he loves Sunday, December 18, 2005 It's not really Sunday, but I wasn't around any computers yesterday, so I'm writing two blog entries today. I was just thinking, don't you think it's a little dark that one of the most positive events in my life is that I'm going to get permanently sterilized?????? Why am I so happy about that? And it's not necesarily like I hate kids. Most are very adorable, but the whole thing just seems so sad to me. That it's just the beginning of a very painful life. Everyone's lives are filled with pain. I can't imagine life without alcohol, . . . just to absorb the blunt trauma of painful experinces full force with no sort of anesthesia. I don't know how you sick bastards do it. Hearts made of steel. Today is scary. Depressing. I can't wait to start drinking. Monday, December 19, 2005 OK, yes it is really, Monday. This is my second vasectomy blog written today to make up for yesterday. You know, one of the things that kind of deflates my enthusiasm for my vasectomy is that I'll still have to use condoms most all of the time. I mean I don't want to catch vd's or anything. The worst part of vd's isn't the symptoms themselves but giving them to other people. One time, years ago when I first moved to LA, I broke up with my girlfriend, and then about a month later, I fucked her (without a condom), and then a little while later, I fucked this frined of mine (without a condom too). An old friend from Houston. Anyway, I was at the new woman's apartment, and a frined of mine called there and told me to call Starlette (my ex-girlfriend) because she had something important to tell me. Anyway, I called her and she told me to go get checked because she has chlamydia. I felt obliged to tell the new woman about the whole deal, and she wouldn't ever have sex with me again. We both had chlamydia. So, this is a little convoluted. I'm not so sure what my point was. I suppose it's that you should use condoms. Chlamydia is really minor. It's curable. It's like catching a cold, but what if it would've been AIDS? That would've sucked. Tuesday, December 20, 2005 (my mom) I wonder what my mom would say if she knew I was getting a vasectomy. I'm not telling her until afterwards and maybe not even then. I don't have the slightest inkling as to whether or not she would like it. I mean, on one hand, my life has always been kind of a mess, and she knows that. I definitely don't have the money to support a baby, but who knows what the future will be like with me? I like moving around a lot, but now I think I'm going to stay in LA for the rest of my life. I can't imagine ever leaving. And I can't imagine being with the same woman for the rest of my life, and if I had a baby I would end up having to deal with that woman for the rest of my life, or at least until the baby turns 18, and what if I hated her? I hate hating people, so when that does happen and I feel like I can't overcome the hatred, I just cut off all connections with them, and forget about them. Better that than being consumed with hatred. I hate that feeling. very icky. Anyway, my mom didn't have me until she was 35, so maybe she would say that I'm still too young to decide whether or not to have kids. A side note: my dad was 22. funny, huh? But anyway, I wonder how she felt when she was 28. I wonder if when she was 28, she thought that she would ever have kids. hmmm, good question. She was very adventerous when she was young. Come to think of it, she's still pretty adventerous. She retired from her job early, and moved to some kind of eco-village commune kind of a thing in the mountains of North Carolina. That sort of amazed me. That she's 65 and is still doing stuff like that. She said that everyone's in their early 20s and it's kind of alienating. They're probably really annoying and self-righteous too. Half of them are probably just going through a phase too, so that must be irritating to my mom. But, anyway. I'm her only child, so if I get the vasectomy, she won't ever have grandchildren. So, anyway, my mom was going to only be the subject in my vasectomy blog for one day, but now I'm thinking she could easily take up two blog entries because that's a serious thing to consider. This is part 7 of a daily journal that I'm doing leading up to a vasectomy that I'm getting on January 12th. If you'ld like to read earlier entries, they're all posted in a blog entry on my profile Thursday, December 22, 2005 ************(mandatory vasectomy at birth) If I was the dictator of the world, Ild make 1 out of every 2 male babies get a vasectomy. Im surprised China hasnt thought of this. It wouldnt be illegal for them to get reversals, but they have to drum up the money and determination themselves. If, later on in life, they decide they want the baby and theyre financially stable enough to drum up two thousand dollars, and they reeeaaallllyyy want the baby that bad to have surgery and to pay that much money, than they would totally be allowed to do that. But, on one hand, its kind of like saying only rich people should breed. Do I really believe that only rich people should breed? Hmmmm, Im not quite sure. Is there anything wrong with poor people having children? I really dont know what to say. What do you think? On one hand, its better for the children if their parents are rich because the parents can provide everything they need, (usually) but then, some poor people really want the affection from a child and maybe they shouldnt really be deprived of that. Im not really sure why people have children when its not accidental. I think 90f the time, it was accidental and then they just go ahead and have the baby, and then act like they wanted it. But, what about those people that actively, purposefully try to have kids? It seems a little selfish. Like they want somebody (the child) to look up to them, or they want somebody to have control over. They want somebody to boss around. They want somebody who they can feel smarter than. Or how about this: when people have kids because of the way society treats you different if they know youre a parent? People treat moms like saints. Or how about the stupid way that people treat pregnant ladies in public? They treat them like goddesses. People open doors for them and always want to help them out. They want sympathy from people,. . . from family members, from co-workers, bosses, doctors, nurses, cops, judges. Dont be hard on her. Shes a mom. There are little ones who depend on her. But, I say, Fuck them. That was no miraculous feat that they had kids. He stuck his penis in her and came and there you go. Takes no skill. Theres nothing admirable about bringing more people into this shitty world. I was talking earlier about China. Well, I heard some countries in Europe have the opposite of that. France and Italy among others. I saw a news program about Italy how everybodys old and theres not many young people. Well, that would suck too, so maybe some level of breeding is a good thing. Is it even possible to vasectomize a baby? more later. Friday, December 30, 2005 Bike Winter, jealousy, overworked So, it's been a long time since I've done my "daily" vasectomy blog. My co-worker left for Mexico for two weeks, so I've been left completely buried in work. I work almost non-stop for nine and a half hours everyday and it leaves me exhausted. I always do the blogs on down time at work, but I haven't had any up until now. The last thing I wanna do is hang out at work after I get off, you know? It's time to get drunk. I was supposed to've finished the rough draft of my book by tomorrow, but when I get off of work, I'm just so damn tired, I just stare at the screen. I counted the pages of my book though, and I'm up to 270, and my goal was 300, but still it looks like it might be way longer because there's lots more in my outline. Um, I know this doesn't have a whole lot to do with the vasectomy, but what the fuck? It's not really on my mind although something very interesting has been happening to me. My sexual drive took a shit and died for some reason, and I feel like I'm being bombarded with sexuality everywhere I look. Don't people have anything to live for other than sex? It's pretty sad really, and I never looked at the whole thing objectively because I myself am usually obsessed with it, but now I can see clearly, and quite frankly, the whole thing seems a little stupid. But, don't worry. I'm sure I'll be back to normal in no time. I am the Sex Wolf after all. What would I be without my libido? the Beer Wolf? Now, that's just plain stupid. The Bike Wolf? Umm, that's kind of cool I geuss, but no where near as magnificent as being the Sex Wolf. I've been feeling sad and confused lately too. I can deal with sadness and gloom and doom, and all that, but it's when I'm confused and I don't really know what's going on, that's when it gets me. Just recently, I came to a realization about jealousy. About the difference between jealousy and envy: * envy-A feeling of discontent and resentment aroused by and in conjunction with desire for the possessions or qualities of another. So, basically, you want something that someone else has. * jealousy-Fearful or wary of being supplanted; apprehensive of losing affection or position So, basically when you're jealous, it's that you're suspicious that you might get replaced. And, jealousy is definitely almost always coupled with a good amount of uncertainty. You don't know for sure what's going on. Anyway, that has nothing to do with vasectomies, but it's been on my mind, so I thought I'ld mention it here. But this does!!!!!: I will be having the Tomatoes' Pre-Vasectomy Pro-Death Celebration Ride as part of Bike Winter LA. I will be putting it up on the website after writing this. It will be soley in Hollywood, for those of you who don't want to go too far. the ride to Venice will be in late January. But the small ride will be on the 8th, meet at Griffith Park near Los Feliz and Western where the statue of the cub is. More info later. And yes, there will be shitloads of Thunderbird with Cherry Kool-Aid in it. And by the way, y'all fucked dipshits with your mutiple bulletins can go to fucking hell. Saturday, December 31, 2005 Ah, what a deliciously sad last day of the year. It breaks my heart into a million peices but in a good way. So, after writing the last blog yesterday, I was thinking about it more and more, and the whole thing about me being jealous is so hypocritical, it's amazing. And, plus I was making a big deal about nothing just as I thought. That's what I always do: sweat the small stuff. It's because I have this bourgeoisie (I'm not going to even pretend that I didn't have to look up the spelling to that) debaucherous (maybe I should look that one up too) carefree lifestyle, all of the problems that I ever have are purely imaginational, and I intend to keep things like that by never having kids. You know, when you stop to think about it, 90f this world's problems are created by the imense population. When there was less people, there was no where near as many problems. I mean, can you imagine what the politicians would do if they wanted to wage these huge, preposterous wars, but there was nobody around to fight in them? And there was nobody to kill? What would they do then? And another thing that I hate about breeding and being around children: I don't like the whole mentality that we need to hide certain aspects of life from them. We need to keep them from getting exposed to certain things like sex and drugs and curse words. I don't like having to watch my behavior, and plus I'm always drunk, so it's a little bit harder for me to do so than others. I made up flyers for the Tomatoes' Pre-Vasectomy Pro-Death Bicycle Ride. They're beautiful. I'm very impressed with myself. If I see you tonight, I'll give you one. Happy fucking new year's!!!!!!! Keep kids out of Hollywood!!!!!! Monday, January 2nd, 2006***************************my dad, ex-girlfriends Well, my dad, he's a dick. We don't get along. He hates my unibrow. I geuss he has one and shaves it or whatever and it just really bothers him that I have one. He can't stand to look at me, and ever since I dropped out of college, I haven't done him any good. He's ashamed of me, and he knows I'm a drunk and that I do drugs and I'm just an over all shady person. So, he has a girl with another lady other than my mom, and I'm pretty sure he's not planning on having any more kids, so after me, that's it for the last name. It's a stupid last name anyway: Taccir. When my dad's family moved from Russia to Argentina years and years ago, they changed it from Tacsier to Taccir, so it wouldn't seem like a jewish last name because they were escaping persecution or something. I don't even know the full story. It doesn't make that much sense to me. I don't even get judaism. I know that it's a religion worshipping the old testament or something, and I've even read a lot of that book, but the whole seems totally made up, so I don't have much of the attention span for it. It's just a bunch of gibberish. Well, so far, for my vasectomy, all of the positive encouragement has come from women and some men, but all of the negative feedback has come exclusively from men. I don't understand why they would think it was a bad idea. I can't think of any good reason to have kids. Ummm, maybe company when you get to be an old man? but even that's not guarenteed. And how old am I really gonna get anyway? What with the way I drink, and the reckless way that I live my life, I doubt I'll get very far. Do I wanna get old anyway? Sounds like a huge drag if you ask me. When I was about 22, I got really into heroin and speed, and I started getting this terribly painful medical condition called pancreatitus or something. The first time it happened to me, I didn't know what in the fuck was going wrong with me, but I hurt so bad, I had my friend, Colleen, take me to the hospital. I was living back in Houston after failing at life, dropping out of UT, going through a succesion of fucked up relationships with painful seperations, and I was immature and I didn't know how to cope with it, so I moved back to Houston, and was doing lot of heroin. It was the heroin that was doing it to me. I didn't know that though and only admitted to the doctors that I drank. So my girlfriend at the time, (I know this is convoluted as hell, but it's just a blog, so I don't feel like writing clearly) anyway, my girlriend at the time Starlette, her mom worked in the radiology department of this same hospital, but it was the only free hospital in Houston, Ben Taub, so I had to go there, no medical insurance. I was a huge mess. I couldn't stop crying even for a second it hurt so bad. And then, they told me that they were going to take me to the radiology department, and I thought to myself, "Holy shit, I sure hope Starlette's mom isn't here today," but then they wheeled me into the room, and I hear, "Tomatoes!!!!!" all chipper and chearful, and of course, it was Starlette's mom and she personally attended to me of course. I had been living with her after I had milked Starlette dry and she had to move in with her mom and then I moved with her into her mom's house. I used to be such a fucking mooch. I used to drink all of Starlette's mom's liquor. I still feel love for her though. for both of them. Anyway, the whole reason that I'm bringing this up is to say that she did a sonograph of my stomach and said that I had the liver of a 50-year-old hard core alcoholic, and that was 6 years ago, so I shudder to think what my liver must look like now. It must not look too pretty what so ever. Wow, this is going on forever. New Year's Eve was fantastic.I talked to Felicia, my first girlfriend from high school. "my first love" She's getting a divorce and was giving me the impression that if only we were in the same city, she would fuck me which would be weird as hell, but I would definitely take her up on the offer because I'm in love with her eternally. Sam's visiting in Houston right now, and he called to tell me that he was hanging out with her and she was asking if he thought I would take her back. I think she's insane. What is this, the "Ex-girlfriend blog"? This is ridiculous. Tuesday January 17th. ******************************************My poor balls. The vasectomy was a little scary. I have the shakes really bad. This is the worst that I've ever shaken, but it has nothing to do with the vasectomy. Just tons of Steel Reserve is to blame. The vasectomy was all the way in Harbor City. Kind of near Bukowski's grave but I didn't visit. This man that was checking me in was a little put off by the idea that I wanted a picture of me and the doctor. "I have never heard anyone request that before," he said. He was either full of shit or new. We did all the paper work, and then he took me into the surgery room, instructed me to put on this robe, and then left. When he returned, he looked at me, and said, "You're getting a vasectomy, right?" For a second, I thought that maybe this was another person. I thought maybe it was the first guy's identical twin because why would he ask that after we had just been talking about the vasectomy, and doing all of the paperwork and everything?, but then I realized that that's preposterous. It was the same guy. He just wanted to make extra, extra sure that I knew I was getting a vasectomy. He had me lay down and started shaving my balls, and preping me, sterilizing everything, etc. I had already shaved myself, but I geuss I didn't do a good enough job. I don't have much experience doing that. Well, to tell the truth, I don't have anyexperience doing that. "So, how many kids do you have?" "None," I told him and his eyes got very, very wide. "You know it's not too late to back down. Are you really sure? You don't want to ever have kids?" He couldn't believe it, and now I even started thinking maybe that it wasn't such a good idea. I started having big doubts, but why would I've backed out just then? So what if he thought it was a bad idea. I didn't care. Finally, he finished with the preparation and left, informing me that the doctor would be in shortly. I asked him to hand me my book from the floor which he did, but he told me not to let it touch any of the green sheets because those were all sterile, so I was left there laying on the bed and I was just assuming that I wasn't supposed to move. So, I started reading the book wedged up against my chin: "In Cold Blood" which I highly don't suggest unless you like long-winded, boring-as-fuck, fancy-ass-lad bullshit about stupid-ass, morally self-righteous rich people who end up getting kiiled, but still, it takes too long to get to that point, and they don't even get tortured or anything, . . . just blown away with shotguns, . . . yawn. And the book was really hard to read because I had a lot on my mind. There was a lot to think about. All of the reasons for not getting the vasectomy were racing through my head. There were so many of them: I'ld never get to settle down with children. That's a stupid idea: Why would children make me more tranquil? If anything they would make me crazy. I imagined myself meeting a woman that I really like in the future and having her totally put off by me for having that surgery. I thought about lots of stuff because they gave me plenty of time: something like forty-five minutes went by before the doctor came around. It really sucked. It made me think that they routinely do that just so you can make absolutely sure that you want the vasectomy. Kind of like "freezing the kicker" in football. So, he finally got down to work. He was very chatty. "Where are you from?" he asked, safely assuming that I wasn't from LA. "Houston." I told him, and his face completely lit up. "I went to Bellaire High School!" he exclaimed. "Whoa, I went to Sharpstown High School!" You see, Bellaire and Sharpstown are very close to each other, so this was a great surprise to both of us I think. The coincidence, you know? I started talking about this huge rivalry that our baseball teams had with each other. We stold there mascot which was a statue of a cardinal, so they came over to our school on a Sunday night with red (their school color) spray cans and sprayed offensive stuff all over the outside walls of our school, so that bright and early on a Monday morning, we got to see stuff like, "Fuck Y'all, Shittown!!!" all over the place and pictures of cardinals and so on. At the time, I thought it was funny as hell though, but our baseball team didn't seem to think so because within days, they went over there and did something like a 500,000 dollars in damage to their new baseball field. All of this stuff even got on the news. I think it ended there though. I mean, I'm sure there were fistfights and stuff, but no more serious property damage. So anyway, me and the doctor were talking about this and other things about Houston. He didn't know about all of that feuding though because he graduated in 81, me in 95, but still it was something to talk about. And he went to UT too, and so did I although I dropped out and he went on to become a doctor, but still, . . . So, the worst part about the surgery itself is that you are fully conscious. They don't even give you a sedative or nothing. It sucked. And you can see all of the scary implements that he's using and the bloody gloves. The injenctions are painful as shit. They give you a shot right in your balls that stings so bad that I couldn't even breathe for like 20 seconds. They were worried for me, but I told them that I was OK. It sucked too because they give you a shot on each side. Damn, they hurt. They do one side a time. After he was done with the first side, I was halfway thinking of chickening out, and stopping him right there. I was wondering if I could still have children with just the sperm from one ball. Hmmmm, that makes me curious. Why do we have two balls anyway? Why don't we just have one big one? What's the deal with that? Anyway, finally it was over. I've been getting really drunk everyday. And yes, it does hurt. Yes, I have been walking funny. Yes, I have had sex and came but it was inside a condom, and I didn't bother checking to see if it looked any different. Maybe I'll jack off when I get home from work and take a looksee at my semen. The sex was normal. It was actually very enthusiastic. Maybe I should take it easy and let myself heal. But, just wanted to let you know: my penis does still work just in case you're concerned about that. Different doctors tell you different things. Mine just said that I could do whatever I feel capable of doing at whatever moment, so that's what I did, but then again I was drunk. Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe I should just stick to jacking-off for a while. Other than that, I don't have a whole lot more to say about the whole thing. According to the doctor, if I ever wanted to reverse it, it would cost 5,000 and then it's not even guarenteed that it would work. Who knows? Maybe my sperm didn't work in the first place. I should've had them do a sperm count test before the vasectomy. Oh well, now I'll never know. Maybe I was shooting blanks in the first place. Geez, "shooting blanks"? I can be such a dufus, huh? So, that's almost it for the vasectomy blog. Maybe I'll write a couple more entries once I'm recoverd. It's actually kind of sad that it's over. It was fun. I have plenty more to write about right now, but this is the VASECTOMY blog. Not the damn Tomatoes Drama blog. I mean jesus, what in the hell did you expect? Saturday, January 21st, 2005, ah-ha! You thought the VASECTOMY blog was over! So, I am now fully recovered from my vasectomy. I am back at work with no restrictions. My balls don't hurt at all anymore. In fact, people ask me, "Hey, you feeling better?" and it takes me a while to figure out what they're talking about. It only took me a week and two days to recover. Not bad. Last night, I went and got my bike. I had to take the bus to get it, and on the bus, I was so grateful that I wasn't going to have to ride on that bullshit anymore. All the last week, I've been literally broke, and it kills me to have to find money and then have to use that money for the bus. So much so, that I started just walking to and from work. I live by Santa Montica and Western and work by Sunset and Hollywood, so no big deal, but still. But, the worse thing about the bus I think is the other people. They just all seem so depressed. Not the ones who are reading though. That seems like an excellent opportunity to get in a lot of reading. God knows, you can't ride a bike and read, but the thing is, is that nobody is reading on the bus. Something occured to me. It sounds a little right wing, but maybe I'm wrong, but isn't there a direct correlation usually with how much someone reads and how educated they are? Because supposedly, the more educated someone is, the more money they make. And then supposedly, the more money they make, the less likely it would be for them to ride the bus because they would own a car and drive, so all the people that like to read are driving cars and they definitely can't read while doing that. I know there are many exceptions to this, and I do every once in a while, see people reading on the bus, but anyway, you know what I'm saying? Wow, I'm editting that, and it seems really convoluted. i think I was going backwards with the theory. little or no education=poor=bus; also, little or no education=no reading, therefore bus=no reading. Did that make more sense? Didn't think so. But, so anyway, those people on the bus, they seem pathetic to me, but they probably think the same thing themselves when they see me riding my bike down the street, "Ah, poor thing," they probably think, . . . "He doesn't have enough money to get on the bus." I make them eat those words when I blow them away though, and once they notice my sexy physique, they suck their breath in and their eyes mist over with sex mist and they murmur to themselves, "Oh my," as their loins begin to moisten. No, but really, I do understand. I used to use a bike as transportation when I lived in Texas and then when I moved to California, it never even really occured to me to ride a bike until the bus strikes happened. If you don't know about those, they happened here in Southern California. We didn't have buses or metro for about three months I think. It was about 2 and a half years ago, I think. Not totally sure. At the time, I lived by Western and Washington too. kinda far, it seems on a bus, but on a bike it flies by. So when the strikes started happening, at first, I was totally pissed, but then when I realized that I could get around just as fast on a bike, it was free, it was excercise, I could stop and drink a beer whenever I wanted, I could drink beer on my bike if I chose, I could listen to my walkman as loud as I wanted, I didn't have to suffer uncomfortable eye contact or people bumping into me or people trying to pickpocket me or having to stand in an uncomfortably crowded bus for an hour and insane people shouting. I didn't have to pay attention to schedules or routes or bus stops. I could make my own route damn it! I never had to wait. Distances seemd like so much shorter. I never had to talk to anybody. Riding a bicycle, I realized, it made my spirit soar. It made me feel independent. It takes you one step further outside of the mainstream. Bicycle-riding, for me, I realized is a vital ingredient in my balanced nutrition for a happy and fulfilled life. It's true, many of these things you can do with a car too, and unlike some other bikers, I am not necessarily anti-car. I enjoy driving cars. You usually need one for a road trip, or if you're crippled, or work really far away, or if you have kids which is no excuse. You shouldn't've had kids in the first place. That's actually one of the reasons for me getting a vasectomy. I didn't ever want to be forced into that kind of a lifestyle where I have to go around being a lame consumer, driving my kids around, buying them McDonalds and toys that they'll never play with, driving them around all over the place and for what? I'ld really like to know why people have kids. And you can't get a straight answer out of them. They just repeat lame shit that the heard on television or that their parents told them or that they read it in some stupid, fucking greeting card. They don't really know why they had kids. Maybe, so they would have someone to take care of them when they get older. Or to make their life feel complete. something to do, a way to feel comfortable. In short, they use bredding like I use alcohol. Speaking of alcohol, it scared the shit out of me: the other day, I thought I was having pancreatitus. It scared the shit out of me. In case, you don't know, that's an inflammation of the pancreas. I used to get it from mixing heroin and alcohol, but since I stopped doing heroin, it totally went away, but a couple of nights ago, I thought it came back. It's extremely painful. It feels like heartburn times one thousand. Digestive enzymes eat away at your whole abdominable cavity [sic] And the worse thing is, you can't drink. Well, you can't do much of anything besides lay there and cry, but lucky for me, it went away. I think it was just a bad case of heartburn. Oh anyway, about cars and bikes. My co-workers for years have kept on asking me when I'm going to get around to buying a car. They just can't get it through their thick grease monkey heads that I ride a bike by choice. "Well, you could get a car, and ride that when you need it, and then have the bike for fun." is a suggestion I've heard a few times. And this is how I feel on that subject: The more energy you use, the more you have, and the less energy you use, the less you have. It's too easy to get in the rut of driving a car everyday. You're lazy one morning, so you drive to work. That happens a few times, and then it gets more and more frequent and you get lazier and lazier until one day, you wake up one morning and you realize that the only time you use your bicycle is to go to Midnight Ridazz once a month. How do you think that makes your bicycle feel? She's sitting outside all day. Nobody's paying attention to her. She's all alone. And then pretty soon, a thief comes to steal her, and they don't even have to do anything because she voluntarily throws her chains to the side and runs off with them. Because you drove her into the arms (or between the legs rather) of another man (or woman) or whatever. How dare you even blame the bicycle, damn it!?! Take responsiblity for your own actions, and be a man!!! or a woman!!!! or whatever in the fuck it is you are anyway??!?!!! But, anyway, enough about bicycles for now. There's other vasectomy related topics that I wanted to discuss, but I gotta get out of here. I'm hanging out with Fucking John tonight. We haven't gone out in months. So, the doctors told me to come in to get my semen tested for sperm."In 5 to 8 weeks or 20 ejaculations. whichever comes first" Ha! That sure made me laugh! If I didn't have an orgasm everyday, my penis would fall off! "I'll see y'all in 3 weeks!" I exclaimed. I've been counting. I'm up to 8. or is it 9?, . . . Anyway, I've been purposefully trying to flush myself out because I've been fantasizing about the day the nurse (a sexy one with black hair and one of those weird hats) tells me, "Good news, Mr. Taccir. You have absolutely no sperms in your jizz." I'm not sure how they would say it in the hospital, but that's how it goes in my fantasy, and at least, the nurse pronounces my name right in that version. Anyway, I don't usually give a shout-out in my blog, but this is special, I just wanted to say to my sweet, lovely bicycle, I love you Euthanasia! I know you can't read, and you rarely go online, but still I just wanted to tell you that you're so precious to me, and I'm so glad that we're finally reunited again, and I promise, I'll never ever ever ever get a vasectomy again! No matter what. Monday, January 30, 2006***************************17 orgasms I have had 17 orgasms since my vasectomy. As you may already know, I'm supposed to wait until I have 20 ejaculations, and then I cum into a little cup (or in my case, a huge cup) and then I take it into the doctor's and they test it for sperm. Wow, I'm very excited about having spermless cum. How exciting! I'm going to be a sterile splooge factory! Boy, I'll say. They told me to cum into a condom and then I squeeze the cum out and into the cup, but I'm not messing with all that. I'm just going to jack off into there. Yes, it's true. I jack off. Today, my balls are hurting. Well, rather my scrotum. Not the insides, but the incisions where the doctors went in. They keep on rubbing against my underwear and it hurts. I should be all healed up by now. Hmmm, I hope I don't have to go into the doctor, but come to think of it I was wanting to go anyway to get std checks. Anyway, the other day, I took a shit in my apartment, and I got tired of wiping, so I sat on the sink to wash my ass, and the whole thing fell off. It was kind of scary. Anyway, it's been hanging there for a few days worrying me. I hope the manager doesn't try to blame it on me. I'm gonna say that I was just leaning on it shaving and it fell off. Don't tell my landlady, OK? Anyway, I have to go now. I have important shit to take care of, and I don't have time to go on and on about my highly comedic life to all of y'all saps. Don't conceptualize, vasectomize!!!! I don't even know what that's supposed to mean. Friday, February 3, 2006******************obsessed with secretions I had my 21st orgasm since my vasectomy this morning, and no, I didn't cum in her pussy. I don't get to do that yet. First I need to cum in the cup and take it in for them to test. I was going to do that today for lunch, but instead I have plans to hang out with Pradar and drink a couple of Steel Reserves that I have in my refridgerator. I'm going to show those Steel Reserves who's boss. You know why they have the number 211 on the can? It's because that's a code the cops use when they're on their walkie talkies. It means "Be on the look-out. Tomatoes is drunk on Steel Reserve again." That's gonna be fun carrying a cup full of cum into Kaiser. Maybe I can pretend to drink it to gross everyone out. And then I would say, "Just kidding! I haven't came into this cup yet." Wow, that is really stupid. I have jokes. I mean to say, I don't have jokes.So, I've really been enjoying counting my orgasms. I think I'm going to carry on this tradition throughout my life. It'll be funny and fun. I'll be like 35, and I'll roll off of my sexual partner, and recite, "Two thousand, four hundred and fifty seven, 2-4-5-7" And she'll roll her eyes and be so annoyed and think that I'm so immature.Wow, imagine when I have my six hundred, sixty-sixth orgasm. I'll say, "Listen honey, this is my 666 orgasm, so I want it to be extra-special. Give me a blowjob right up until I'm just about to cum, and then stick it in your pussy just because we can." and then she'll roll her eyes and be so annoyed and think that I'm so immature and she'll get up and leave and I'll end up jacking off and cumming into a cup. So there. And I'll drink it for real that time because it was special. Monday, February 6, 2006*************************huffing free-on I'm extremely hungover and horny today. One of those hangovers that makes you feel all delirious. (and horny) A few hours ago, I decided that I wanted to huff some free-on. So, I went to that outlet under the hood between the condenser and the evaporator. I had a pen and a plastic bag, and I was rigging it up to fill up the bag, and as I was doing this, my boss walks up into my stall to see what was taking me so long on that car, and I spontaneously, had to come up with a reason for being underneath the hood with a plastic bag. I paniced. My heart started racing. My hands were shaking. So, I grabbed the plastic bag, yanked it out, and threw it down on the ground, as if it was already in there, and I was simply removing that debris as a favor to the customer. I proceeded to top off all of the fluids and check the battery, etc. but he stayed standing there, staring at me. He wanted to know what was taking me so long on that car, and I informed him that it was only going to be a couple more minutes. He still remained. I'm pretty sure that the idea of me huffing free-on didn't cross his mind, but still I was scared for some reason. I don't think I'm going to do that anymore. God, I'm horny. I can't wait to get home. bien cachondo, . . . Thursday, February 9, 2006**************************sexy panties I have high hopes that this might just be the most inappropriate, perverted bulletin/ vasectomy blog entry yet. The main thing I wanted to discuss is my slight case of paraphilia. That word means sexual attraction to inanimate objects. I think my version of this ailment, all men have it to some degree. And I'ld really like your input on it because I don't understand it. The whole question arose when I was staring at a pair of my roommate's panties laying on the floor and I got aroused. She has an extensive collection of very erotic panties. You know these: pink with white lace, frilly, see-through in certain parts, thongs. They get so creative with women's panties, you know? And she has probably every variation of these panties. It's awesome. And you know, it arouses me to see her wearing them, of course, but it began to make me wonder why it was turning me on to just see them laying on the floor. And the same thing for high heels. It excites me just to look at them through a storefront window. Dark hair too. I don't know if that's paraphilia though because it is technically part of a woman's body, isn't it? OK, I'm getting off track. Why do women's clothes turn me on so bad? And I love sex when she's wearing a dress. Something's really sexy about that. Just pulling it up to her waist, pushing the panties to the side, and getting to it. Fully clothed sexy time. So, I brought this up to her, and she suggested that I write a blog entry about it. She's probably going to get mad at me for being overly detailed about stuff that has to do with her, but she had it coming to her. I mean, it's not like she hasn't read my blogs before. So, anyway, and looking at pictures of women in lingerie or bathing suits, . . . car show hoochie mamas and the like. It turns me on just as much as if they were completely naked. Actually, it probably turns me on even more. It's turning me on right now just thinking about it Actually, I cheated because I just went and looked at one of my co-worker's car magazines to get inspired to write this piece, so I have it fresh on the brain. I don't know if that's cheating or not. So, I know this is nothing new. Lots of men are into high heels and panties. But, I realized that I am too, and I'm wondering why. You know those guys that steal panties? I'm I like them? Oh yeah, and hoop earrings: HUGE TURN ON I don't know why. They just are. Long black hair with a red ribbon around the head. Or really, any color ribbon or ribbons worn in any way. Oh yeah, that's what I'm talking about. A T-shirt pushed up to the armpits during sex. jewelry. So anyway, just let me know what you think about this. Some of those last examples are things that wouldn't necessarily turn me on alone without a woman wearing it but it was fun fantasizing anyway. So, I'ld like to know what you think: Why is it that panties and shoes turn me on even if a woman is not wearing them? Leave a response as a comment to this blog. Even if it's just to say that you think I'm an idiot or you think I look gay in my MySpace pictures. Go to my profile, and leave a comment to this under the Daily Meditation on the Glory of the Vasectomy blog. So, as far as the vasectomy goes, I've had 26 orgasms, so I'm ready to take my cum in to get it tested. I'll probably go tomorrow. Get an STD check too. I'm forming a band with Dave Andrews called Sexy Transmitted Diseases. Wouldn't it be ironic if I discovered that I really had one? I'ld probably feel different about calling the band that, huh? It's going to be awesome to not have to pull out anymore. After all these years of doing that all the time. I'm going to have to retrain myself because I pull out automatically. It's just habit. It won't be too hard though I'm sure. I cum into condoms after all. I already have decided how I want my first vasectomized sex to go. Doggy style. Because pulling out and cumming sucks when you're doing doggie style. You're left all alone. There's no human contact. No kissing. No touching. No contact. You're just there on your knees with your dick in your hand, cumming onto the blanket like a pathetic moron, and she's there wondering why you stopped, and then she realizes that you're cumming so she rolls onto her back, and looks at you and waits for you to finish, and you feel dumb. After being sure that my cum is sterile, this is what I want to do: grab her by the shoulders pulling her towards me while I ram her more violently as I cum into her pussy. So there, how was that? Was that graphic enough for you? I don't know, . . . in these days and times, it's nearly impossible to offend anyone (except for racism; that nearly always offends), so I thought I'ld just let it all out. Tuesday, February 14, 2006*********Time for inappropriate comments Yesterday, I had one of those intense hangovers that make me really horny for some reason. I was at 29 orgasms, and ready to have my semen tested, so I went home and had sex at my lunch break. I was so horny that I came in like a minute. I was surprised that I was able to make it into the cup because the orgasm was really intense, but I did. All of it landed in the cup as far as I could tell. I was then going to drop it off at Kaiser on my way back to work, but there wasn't enough time, so I went after work. I then realized that on this sheet, it said that you were not supposed to wait any longer than three hours before taking your cum in, but the woman who worked at the lab said that it was OK. It was only four hours after all. I'm supposed to call my doctor on Thursday to find out the results. The woman seemed to be acting funny about the whole thing which I thought was unusual since she worked there. It reminded me of this one time, I bought a porno magazine at Circus of Books in Silverlake, and the young woman ringing me up seemed so disgusted. I didn't understand it. I mean, after all, she was working in a porno shop. Why do I admit to buying porno on MySpace? Does it really matter? I'm blowing every chance that I might've had at someday ever getting to fuck you, but oh well. It's not the end of the world, right? Or is it? , . . . Anyway, I was supposed to be censoring myself in these blog entries because they're "inappropriate and disrespectful," but last night, she changed her mind, and said that it was OK. I'll still use some discretion I suppose. I was listening to music so loud last night that my ears were still ringing all morning long. It alarmed me a little, but now I'm fine. The book has been going terribly. I'm having trouble concentrating. And I'm so close to the end. I wish I could just wrap it up. I'm getting these voices in my head telling me it's not going to be very good. I need to do ignore them. I'm going to edit the shit out of it later anyway, so I can write slop if I wanna, right? I'ld like to announce that I'm having my birthday party the weekend of Feb 24-Feb 26. My birthday is the 26th and I'm having my party all weekend long. Feb 24, Friday, meeting at 8 pm at Shato 39 Lanes 3255 W.4th St. LA, CA. It's the bowling alley in Koreatown. Near 4th and Vermont. Yep, that's right, . . . exact repeat of last year. I like tradition more that variety sometimes. This time, I'm going to try to wait until a little later to start the extreme inebriation so that I can enjoy the bowling a little more. My phone number is (213) 926-5992 if you have any questions or want to get in touch with me the night of the bowling. Then the next day, Feb 25, we are meeting at Sarah and Jenny's place around 12 pm and we're leaving at 1 pm to go to an overnight camping trip to the Salton Sea. Than, the next day, one the way back we will be stopping at a casino. I'm not sure which yet, but you can see them from the freeway. So, give me a call or write me if you're interested in either event or both even if you feel like. But, especially, if you want to go to the Salton Sea, let me know obviously, so that we can make car arrangements. If you have a car, great, . . . maybe even more people can come that wouldn't've been able to. If you don't, that's fine too. Just let me know. Tuesday, February 21, 2006**********************I still have sperm Last week, I did a semen analysis, and then I called for the results, and they told me that I was legally sterile, and I got so excited I nearly hit the roof, but then I asked them if it mattered that I waited four hours, and they said definitely, so yesterday, I came into the cup on my lunch break, and took it right in ten minutes later. I called today, and they said I still have some sperm, so to still use protection. "Protection"? yeah right, pulling out, but anyway, they said three to four weeks and then to get another semen analysis. FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!! God Damn it! But, you know what? I was really curious to know whether I had sperm anyways in the first place since I've never gotten anyone pregnant, and now I know that my balls were in fact, working. Anyway, on other vasectomy related topics, I'm writing a short article for a bicycle-LA related zine about my bike ride. I'm going to get on that pretty soon. It was Luz's idea. I'ld like to write for a zine. Also, I'ld just like to let whoever put a curse on me know, it's working. My bike lock took a shit, I got two flat tires in a row, I bought a walkman over Ebay and they sent me one that doesn't work, my cell phone got cut-off and then I realized that my voice mail is no longer on either and I can't afford to pay either, I lost my wallet, somebody found it and took out a thousand dollars with my card. And that's all within the last week. My life is falling apart. At least the bank says that I'm not going to have to pay for it as long as I didn't take the money out myself. Let's see, what else? Um, that's it for now, but I'm still waiting. Somebody steals my bike? I get kicked out of my home? We'll just have to wait to find out. Also, a lot of people were confused about when my birthday party is going to be. It's next weekend. February 24 meeting at 8 pm at Shato Lanes on the corner of Vermont and 4th. Bring money if you plan on bowling. If you have an idea of something we could do after the bowling, let me know. The next day we're going to Salton Sea overnight. Leaving from Sarah and Jenny's at 1 pm February 25th. On the way back the next day, we're stopping at a casino. We should be back in LA Sunday early nighttime. If you've never been to the Salton Sea, you should go. It's very deserted, beautiful, creepy, dilapidated, eerie, depressing. It's one of my favorite places in the world, and we're going to get drunk and have a fire. Write me to let me know if you plan on coming to either (no phone) Wednesday, February 22, 2006*****article I wrote for bikepLAgue zine I wrote this article for bikepLAgue zine. It's going to be in number 2. The issue is about Bike Winter: On January 12, I had a vasectomy. On January 8, four days before it I had the Tomatoes' Pro-Death, Pre-Vasectomy Celebration Bicycle Ride as a part of Bike Winter. I thought it very appropriate to have a ride in commemoration to my vasectomy because my love for bicycle riding and my decision to never breed have a lot in common. They're both fueled by my desire to keep my life simple. Writing this, it's taking a lot of effort for me to not talk shit about breeders and I feel that I was successful up until this sentence because saying that it takes a lot of effort to not talk shit about them is in effect, talking shit about them albeit very vaguely. Sorry. Anyway, my ride started at Griffith Park. I brought 60 dollars worth of Thunderbird because I wanted to see people puke and plus that's what I served during my ride for Bike Summer, and I wanted to start a tradition. There were about 15 people on the ride. It was no Midnight Ridazz, but I was still pleased with the turn-out. It didn't take long for some of us to get really drunk including your's truly. We had a group photo by the statue of the cub and then took off east down Los Feliz. I, of course, was the biggest hindrance to the ride. I had a big cooler in my basket, and I had my old, broken-zipper backpack stuffed in there on the side of the cooler. First, just a few of my belongings fell out, but then the whole damn backpack fell out going down Vermont, dumping my belongings everywhere. And I was already so Pureed by that point that I was too much of a buffoon to gather my stuff efficiently, and someone had to help. So, anyway we finally get to the first stop, Barnsdall Art Park to watch the sunset. If you've never been there, you really should go. It's very beautiful. It's at the top of the big hill near Vermont and Hollywood. We all sat there and got extremely drunk. The sunset was breathtaking. It was a moment to remember between friends, bikes, the city, and alcohol. Me, Luz, and Lety all snuck into the Frank Lloyd Wright section and took pictures. After that, we were heading to the La Brea Tar Pits, but Luz fell off her bike twice, and I got scared, so we wrapped up the ride by eating at a vegan restaurant in Thai Town. I had a quesadilla. It was the best quesadilla I've ever had. Either that, or I was drunk. So anyway, in conclusion I'ld like to say that even though my ride was probably the shortest organized bike ride in the history of the human racists, it was still really darn fun and I'll cherish that memory for many years to come. Wednesday, March 22, 2006*************************finally sterile Yes, folks, that's right. No more sperm. I came in a cup, took it in ten minutes later, they did some tests on it, and then gave me the call (a few days later), "Mr. Taccir, there are no more sperms. You are now legally sterile." Woopie. It's actually been so long, that I'm not even that excited anymore. And, I already started cuming inside anyway. That, though is mind blowing. I don't even know what to do with myself. Having your penis completely enveloped while orgasming is intense to say the least. It's like everything is rubbing up against everything all at the same time. It's almost too much. I'm sure I'll get used to it. And it's not the same at all as when you cum inside but inside of a condom. Not at all. Way more intense. So, I'm a little bit unexcited to write this last entry in my vasectomy blog. It's a little anti-climatic. For starters, the other day, I wrote what may've quite possibly been my best vasectomy blog entry ever, and then while I was editting it, the whole thing got erased. It really made me upset. I'm still upset about it. Years ago, when I was living in Tijuana and I was writing a book, I was about 2/3 done with it when I moved to LA. I was living in this little shitty hotel room a block from McArthur Park (I could write a whole short story about it, but am not going to now). I couldn't pay my rent so they changed the locks and eventually ended up throwing my book away. This hurt a lot. Granted, it was a speed induced pile of psychotic nonsense, but still it was my creation, so it deeply affected me. It makes me understand why people go so crazy when their kids die. The other day, I was watching Nanny 911, and I was drunk, and just the way that the parents and children were interacting was making me cry. I don't know if it made me think about the fact that I will never experience that on my own now, or if it reminded me of my own troubled childhood. Either way, I will never father my own children. The glamour and excitement of that has finally died down. The idea tht I can cum inside of woman no longer seems that amazing to me. Yeah, sure it's pretty cool , but the main reason that I got a vasectomy is because I never want to fuck up my life with all of that complicated nonsense. I just want to focus on the important things in life: creating, and not the bullshit meaningless, wasteful, inconsiderate, vain, selfish creation of human life, but the creation of things truly meaningful: books. Each book, even a shitty one, is worth at least 50 human lives. So, like usual, I have lots more that I want to write about, but I just want to wrap up this vasectomy blog by saying, "I, PUREE TOMATOES, AM NOW LEGALLY STERILE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"